You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
