Swine flu is the new snow day.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
