Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
