She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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