i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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