I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
