does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
