Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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