why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
