if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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