Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
