Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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