were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
