Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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