This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
