if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
