So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
