i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
