When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
