Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I faked an abortion last night.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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