There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize