he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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