Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
