In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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