She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize