her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
