i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
