i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
