If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
