I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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