seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
