I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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