I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
