Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
