You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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