He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
