my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The feeling are messing with the penis
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Randomize
