I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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