So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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