I like to think it a success when the cops are called
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
