You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
