That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
