I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
