i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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