She's JV to your varsity
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
