Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
