dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He shit in the fireplace
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
