I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just cut my nipple shaving
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize