terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
