I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
