wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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