I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
porn star boner night. come get it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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