I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
