tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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