you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
