I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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