I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
