So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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