My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
