Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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