I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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