I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
