I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
